


deepest secrets

by ferbiedragon



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-03
Updated: 2019-09-03
Packaged: 2020-10-06 00:07:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20497616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ferbiedragon/pseuds/ferbiedragon
Summary: Marian Hawke has a secret.Well, she's got a lot of secrets, but this one Varric's figured out, and that's a problem.





	deepest secrets

**Author's Note:**

> Gotta start somewhere when you're making friends!

“How did you know?” she asks, not entirely certain she wants to know the answer. She thought she’d been careful, safe from anyone finding out this _particular_ secret, but Varric is without a doubt the nosiest dwarf on Thedas, so of course he would notice. Added to that, he’s relatively cunning… Still, she’s annoyed. “Did Garrett tell you? Because I will kill him.”

“Shit, Hawke.” Varric says, seated at his desk. His suite inside the Hanged Man smells like sawdust and firewood, which is a far cry from the reek of piss and ale down the stairs, in the best way possible. “He didn’t _have_ to tell me. It’s not like it was hard… you made it kind of obvious.” he chuckles, under his breath. 

“I did _not_.” she snaps, defensive. “I’ll have you know I hid it perfectly well.” He snorts, and she feels her cheeks heat a little. “_Adequately_ well,” she amends. 

“Yeah, sorry, Hawke. You really didn’t.” Varric says. She hears the scratch of his quill on parchment and wonders what he’s writing. Letters, maybe, a few missives. Likely nothing to the Merchant’s Guild, or he’d be in a terrible mood, and he would never have let her into his room at all when she’d come calling. 

Or he might have, and griped about whatever he was doing. 

“C’mon, Hawke, every time we go to the docks, or the Wounded Coast, you start acting like a leery cat. Look,” he stops writing and she thinks, probably, he’s looking up at her. “It’s no big deal. Half the people in Kirkwall probably don’t know how to swim-”

“Andraste’s _arse_, Varric.” Hawke groans, pacing behind him. She knows his room well enough that she doesn’t run into anything, and he hasn’t moved any of the important bits of furniture since he met her- his choice, not hers, she hadn’t asked him not to. “Don’t go shouting it around. And!” she stops and turns her head in his direction. “You can’t swim, either!”

“Yeah, well, I’m a dwarf.” he responds, like she didn’t know. His voice is quiet and raspy, in a way that’d be soothing if he were telling a story. “We’re kind of known for our stone-like qualities.”

“That’s not an excuse because you, by your own admission, are the most un-dwarfiest dwarf to ever dwarf.” she waves an accusatory finger at him.

“I don’t think that’s exactly what I said-”

“It’s close enough.” she doesn’t like him knowing this. She’s known Varric for two months now, and in that time she’s grown to be good friends with him- but she doesn’t trust him that well. First because he is a liar, something he’s admitted on more than one occasion, and second, because she’s heard him telling tales of their exploits to the patrons at the Hanged Man and she’s really not sure if this is the sort of thing she wants spreading around. 

Not when there are several people who’d like to kill her. 

“You could _learn_, is my point.” Hawke insists. “Just because you’re a dwarf doesn’t mean you couldn’t.”

“I sink.” he deadpans. “You probably don’t. You could learn, too.”

“I-” she stops, and her hands drop to her sides. She crosses her arms and hunches her shoulders a little. She’s certain she must look like she’s pouting, which she isn’t, damn him.  
“I could not.”

“I’m sure Rivaini would teach you.” she hears the faint sound of him scratching his chin, where there’s stubble but no beard. It sounds a little like a cat’s tongue rasping. “Even if it’s just for the chance to see you in a wet shirt.” he’s teasing. Maybe he doesn’t get how serious this is, or maybe he’s just trying to lighten the mood, but Hawke doesn’t really appreciate it, either way. This is a sensitive topic.

“I’m _blind_, Varric.” she blurts out.

“Shit, really?” he says. Then he chuckles. “That’s not news to me, Hawke. Sorry.” She does appreciate that he’s never made a big deal about her lack of sight. She’s pretty sure he made a joke about her not being able to really appreciate his swarthiness within an hour of their meeting. 

“No, I mean.” she sucks in a breath. “I can’t see. At all. It’s hard enough to get around on solid ground sometimes, particularly when we tend to go to the worst sort of places. Can you imagine how terrifying it is to be in the water?” 

He shifts. She hears him turn in his chair, and she thinks he must be looking at her because she can sort of feel it, and she really hates this. She hates being so open about something that really is a problem for her. Garrett, Carver, her mother- they all already know, and they never mention, and she’s always felt safe with just family knowing these intimate little details about her life. 

And if it were Aveline, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. Aveline’s never had time for her bullshit, not since the moment they met, and she sees Marian Hawke as a person first, and maybe a bit of a nuisance. But Varric… well. She’s heard him telling his stories about their exploits. He talks about her as if she’s a force of nature. A hero. 

So maybe she wants to be. That’s not wrong. 

“If I go under the surface,” she continues, wondering why she’s even bothering, except that she imagines just threatening him not to tell won’t really work, might actually have the opposite effect, but maybe if he could understand? “If I go under, or fall in, I can’t tell where the surface is, at all. So I could swim, and swim, and just be going deeper, and I’d run out of air, and-” her heart thuds in her chest. She doesn't tell him about Lothering, and the pond, and her father fishing her, half-frozen and terrified, out of the water. She doesn't think she'd ever live _that_ down.

She moves to sit on the edge of his bed and huffs. “I’d much rather be eaten by a dragon than drown.”

“Mm.” Varric says, which isn’t really a response. They sit in silence for several moments, before Hawke sighs, and runs a hand over her face. 

“Look,” she begins, “Just don’t- write this part down, okay? Because I know you’ve been doing that lately. Isabela’s been sneaking peaks.”

“I knew she’d been in here.” Varric growls out. Then he sighs. “Ah, well. I’m a writer, what do you expect? I’ve never met anyone with a penchant for getting into trouble like you Hawkes. I figured it might make for a decent story. Maybe two or three. Or a book.”

“I’m flattered.” she wants to smile. “Garrett will be too. Make sure you talk about all his flexing.” 

“It is a core part of his character.” Varric admits. 

“Yeah.” Hawke leans forward, elbows on her knees. “Don’t tell anyone, though, Varric, I mean it. I’m not proud of this sort of thing, alright? I have a hard enough time getting by without everyone thinking they can just throw me into the harbor and be done with my meddling.”

“‘Meddling’?” She _feels_ his eyebrow raise.

“Aveline’s new favorite word.” she smirks. “When it comes to me and Garrett, anyway. Varric- you have to promise.”

“Hawke. Of course I’m not going to tell anyone.” he scoffs, and then pauses, and she tenses up when he says, “On one condition.”

“Serah Tethras, are you trying to blackmail me?” she sits up. “Because I’ll have you know that I am un-blackmail-able.”

“I would never!” he insists. “I’m insulted you think I would.”

“Hmm.” she doesn’t believe him. “The condition?”

“Get Rivaini to teach you to swim.” he says. When she opens her mouth to speak, he continues. “Just a little! It doesn’t have to be much, Hawke, but it’d ruin my book if the main character died because she fell off the docks.” he’s joking, but she detects a hint of something else in his voice. It’s the same something that makes him pay off the Darktown gangs so they’ll leave Anders alone, she thinks.

If she brought it up, he’d deny it. 

“Fine. I hate you, by the way.” she adds. “You’re a terrible, devious little man and your mother should have stopped with Bartrand.”

“Yeah, well, she wanted to try for an actual kid and not an asshole.” she knows he’s smiling. Grinning, really, she imagines Varric does a lot of grinning. And smirking. 

"Too bad for her she failed." Hawke quips, sniffing disdainfully. Varric laughs under his breath.

After a moment, he says, “Don’t worry, Hawke. Your secret’s safe with me.”

And, for some reason, she believes him.


End file.
